The words we wrote were of hope and cleansing even in the darkest days you could sense the struggle to survive and prosper. 

So it’s a Wednesday which means is time for me to have my weekly dose of rambling incoherently untill I’m satisfied I’ve done justice to something at somepoint, 

I’ve gathered by now I don’t need that kind of introduction every single time but I’m a man of tradition and self deprecation so it’s gonna be part of the repertoire, as always this is gonna be a world away from what I normally write and is basically me talking aloud to myself and anyone paying attention,

There was a part of me that didn’t want to write anything and just link in the following piece, it conveys so much of my own personal experiences in someone else’s words and is just a near perfect piece of writing expression.

Writing Through My Pain – The Perfectly Imperfect Bunch

https://theperfectlyimperfectbunchblog.wordpress.com/2017/10/17/writing-through-my-pain/


Overcoming Pain through writing.

It’s seems it might be a common theme between most of us in the ‘bunch’ and a lot of writers/people in general but writing was instrumental in helping me with loss, depression, anxiety and so much more, my WordPress journey started after a breakup mainly down to what I saw as being my last bastion of hope, 

The Context of the Journeys beginning.

It was just one of these pivatol moments in our lives when we make choices or decisions based upon a multitude of random factors and events, Mine resulted in me flying off to slovenia for a few days in June this year due to extreme depression and almost uncontrollable suicidal tendencies, I’ve been through a fair bit in my life (we all have our troubles and I know I’ve been privileged in so many ways to have the life that I have and live the lifestyle that I do) and I’ve always managed to come out of these beaten but smiling but this time it was different, I felt like I had nothing else left to give, I’d given every ounce of strength to something to see it crumble ever so slowly in front of me,


So I had basically given myself two choices to take myself away for a few days and find some kind of meaning or continue trying to find a way to put an end to myself in a way that my family and more importantly my son wouldn’t find to be too extreme, it seems even in suicadal thoughts I still wanted to be respectful to any and everyone, This all didn’t come about due to this one event by the way but it was without a doubt a trigger that set off everything I’d repressed for so much time prior, 

So I jumped on a plan to Eastern Europe not having a clue what or why I was doing such a thing, But at the airport I just started to write some thoughts on my phone, this ended up being the start of my journey to now, it was just a complete word vomit but it made more sense then anything I’d been able to comprehend before that point in time, 


I’ve mentioned previously that I’ve always been writing but this was different to anything I’d ever put to paper before, this was my naked self exposed on a page, it was remarkable how i truly felt I was conversing with myself in a way I’d never been able to before, I didn’t and still don’t hold back on the words I write and it’s this way of writing for me that has helped cleanse my mind of so much anger, resentment and bitterness that I’d spent more time internalising then even I knew I’d been doing, 

Thus began what evolved into joining WordPress and talking to members of a community that were not only helpful but understanding, I’d never encountered that before and it’s something I’m very grateful for, I’ll always write for myself but the fact people understood why and what I was myself searching is such a beautiful and beneficial bonus to me and a massive amount of encouragement to keep on pushing forward,

My words have without a doubt changed and evolved a lot over the last few months, it was initially all entailed around heatache and loss as that’s what was the most prevalent in my life, but this process enabled me to understand myself better and deal with these situations and move on with my life, I now find myself digging deeper on occasions and exploring more about who I am, it’s that autobiographical fiction proving to be my knight in shining wordplay, 

I’m always gonna have an element of sadness and melancholy to my writing but that’s just part of my thought process and who i am, but there’s always hope in there, sometimes it’s obvious and sometimes it’s hidden but it’s intergral to how I write, without hope I’d never have had the courage to write in the first place it just take that initial step to realise myself that was the case, 

I’m hoping I’ve got the point across, I have no idea how to write these things at all, it’s literally the same conversation I’d have with people face to face, my dry, satirical and deprecating sense of humour would more then likely work wonders as the internet has already shown me that it doesn’t work in written form, I don’t feel like I need to specify exactly what I overcame just that it was the process of writing that has changed my life forever, 

The pen truly is mightier then the blade,

It’s hard to find yourself lost when you’ve never had a direction to begin with, so join in the chaos.


So this week we’ve been tasked with writing something then explaining how/what/why, sounds simple enough but it’s so far removed from how I go about doing what it is I do that’s it’s quite difficult to try and find a way to give this some kind of narration, but I’ll give it a shot explaining what I wrote on my own blogpost yesterday. (http://emolovepoetry.blog/2017/10/10/escaping-your-childhood-is-never-easy-but-ill-build-a-world-to-protect-all-of-us-branded-by-a-touch-invisible-to-the-eyes-of-the-unsuspecting/)

My process is gonna be explained as easily as I can put it, it starts off as simply to read and absorb whatever word is mentioned in the daily prompt, by absorb I mean to look at the many different aspects and angles I can use that word in context, While doing this I’ll find either a line or a complete narrative that will spur the whole piece on,

For example yesterday’s prompt was the word Tame, the first line I had in my head almost instantly was “Tame the Beast” and this is where the process is gonna more then likely shine a light on the way that my brain is wired, Tame the beast could be related to a mulitude of connotations and any kind of animal/creature/being but my first initial instinct was a character called the Beast in a supernatural TV show called ‘the magicians’ 


This character/person/entity in the series is synonymous with child abuse as part of what makes him beyond evil but that’s not what I initially intended to theme it about I was merely just following my train of thoughts to what I’d deem a logical conclusion, but everything I always write about regardless of subject matter is always done around emotions, I don’t enjoy any other way of writing as it always feels too compromised if I don’t feel what I write about,

So back to the point at hand, having personally suffered at the hands of an overly physical adult with parental responsibility I tapped into how it started narrating itself in my mind, using that influence I just decided to weave those two ideas together and created the piece that I published, I generally spend more time trying to construct a clever title then I do with changing/adapting/evolving my words,  I try to keep my expressions as raw as the first thoughts I have about them, which depending on my mood, what I’ve been reading, who I’ve been interacting with influences the tone/direction I’ll take with my word choice. 


Its not to say that I’ll never do edits after a piece but it’s all part of the same motion and sometimes you can’t ever get that initial thought back so I’ll write exactly how I’m expressing the narrative in my inner monologue and thats generally the piece I end up with, I don’t like ever going back to something I’ve written or spending to long working on something as I’ve the preference of everything being from the moment, to the point that I may have mentioned in one of my previous posts that even I’m not entirely sure what I’m writing about until I’ve finished, so that’s my trick/tip it’s just literally freedom of expression, I don’t feel like I should ever avoid tackling a subject matter or be so wrapped up with editing  something that I lose the spark of what I intended.

 I have realised I’ve got to this point and I was meant to write a new poetry post to explain this, so instead I’ll just write what’s on my mind right now and end the suffering for all of us;


Spill the words and hope that the minds of the others find validation in your ill advised explanation.

“Define the narrative that stems from the demons within, written in both shades of darkness and light, sharing the page with both the nightmares and the dreams that haunt us in a way which is better perceived as an everyday judgment,

Exasperate your own singular mind by not conforming to this predefined status quo, explanation of which still remains unexplained to those tasked with showing the calculations to the problems beseeched with those that have lost inspiration, 

Fret not that the words you spill across the very page that contains your hollow thoughts will elevate itself to its favoured height and watch closely as the eyes of the authors that follow these words extract their own ideologies from your primitive ideals” 

No edits, it is what is written and that’s all it ever shall be. 

The rambling response to the everyday routine of this protagonist’s autobiographical fiction.


An everyday repetition that brings life to the words that are resonating in my mind.

So when it was decided that that the theme to talk about this time round was views on writing routine i felt like I had nothing really to add into what people previous to me have mentioned, It might be I personally feel like my contribution is gonna be that of conflicting ideology’s and that I’m very much a person that loves everything to be as Raw and humane as possible, especially in what I personally like to witness and also create, 


There’s a place for art of all forms and it can and is found in every nook and cranny in this world, if you willing to see beyond the surface you can see and find so much more, even in what we deem to be the mundane of the everyday, If you are willing to put yourself in the positions of others you can feel so much more, it’s that what inspires me to create, 


For me the imperfections, flaws and the words and wisdom of the unfinished pieces speak out to me just as much as the articulated and the polished, I’d find just as much enjoyingment reading concepts and what people would deem as personal failures when it comes to writing as I would what people would tout as their masterpiece, I want to be able to see and feel my own interpretations and own experiences through the eyes of another, to get a deeper insight, I apply this to most forms of art and literature. 


That’s why when I write I try and have some semblance of a narrative, my humour and way of seeing the world sometimes can get lost in translation and interpretation but as it’s my viewpoint and because of that I’ve never tried to change it (An example is one of my titles mentions Stockholm which refers to both the aspect of travelling that’s mentioned and Stockholm syndrome but is never directly touched upon aside form that) I don’t expect other people to see some of these intricacies like that but I enjoy reading back things I’ve written myself and seeing little bits and pieces like that which I’ve done because of the way I’ve written the piece initially it won’t stay with me, 


How would any of this be conflicting? Well I’ve pretty much planned it around my work and life schedule when it is that I’m gonna give myself 20mins to sit down and spontaneously write, everything including what I’m writing now is done in one go, I always refer to anything I’ve previously written on my personal blog as a one shot, a moment in time encapsulated with what’s running through my mind at the point that I sit down to write, hence autobiographical fiction.

My own memory’s and experiences shape what my protagonist sees and feels.

I post daily myself using the prompts as a mechanism to funnel me into a direction and truth be told I have no idea what’s gonna end up on the screen in front of me before that point in time, I’m constantly engaged with myself most waking moments as I’ve always been an over thinker and analytical in my approach to life but in the same measure I just write without thinking, I just let my imagination form a story and see what it is that comes out and I’m happy to be as honest as I am in the real word with my words on the page, is this good advice for anyone else? I’m quite skeptical but I would highly recommend it if you haven’t tried it before, My routine is simply to have fun with words and incorporating that into some form of narrative and structure (I try to write a consistent amount everyday if possible)  


A routine works for me in the sense that it enables me to write, I’d be far to busy procrastinating to do it if I didn’t set aside some time, but do what makes you happy, push your boundaries any way that you feel benefits you, own your mistakes and failures and use them as the tools to help you grow, even better publish them so I can have a read! This is a lot more words then I anticapted for someone that had nothing really to add.


A Journey of demons, enlightenment, tragedy and hope.


I couldn’t have just any old title to start this whole piece off now could i?

This is just a brief oversight into what i do, why I do it, what made me do it in the first place and where I see myself down the line, what I will say is it has nothing to do whatsoever with being told that I needed to actually do something (Hi Nitesh 😉) having agreed to join this motley crew of fellow writers, I’ll admit I’m a little bit apprehensive and daunted at the thought of being given the freedom and luxery alongside people with such a high caliber of natural talent, but ill just be who i am and hope I blend in with them. 

I’ve been writing for the better part of twenty years but it’s taking the last few months for me to actually have the courage to write freely, I spent far too much of my time worrying what people would say or think that I decided that I’d rather not achieve then fail, looking back I’m not even sure i can acknowledge what failure would look like, or it was even something I could have achieved but I actually did because I never trusted myself enough to try. 

Demons

I’m not sure if poetry was derived from tradegy or it just decided one day that it would seamlessly go hand in hand on its merry little adventures, but it is the reason I first put pen to paper in a way that I recognise now as me giving life to the demons that have been with me through the good and bad times in my life, when I was a child I’d always write short stories and conceptual projects for everything I could, I’m not sure if it was a love for literature or a love for the countless possibilities words have of envoking imagery in a way that no other medium could do justice, I always intended to go down the route of higher education to see what I could make of it but I didn’t know that it would take so long for me too finally get to a place that it’s a plausibility rather then a pipe dream. 

Enlightenment 

Writing has never been everything for me but it’s always been an extension of who I am and what I’m feeling, It’s safe to say even in the everyday life that my emotions are and always will be evident, I learnt from a young age how easy it was to lie and manipulate to get what I wanted and it was that which made me decide that I’d always approach life with honesty and with integrity, I can’t say that’s always been the case at all, I’ve been on occasions a version of myself that I could and would never be proud of but I have to be true to myself in saying that person got me past some incidents in my life that if I didn’t just give up control and allow the darkness to take over then I’d never have been around to see the light again, 

Tragedy
It would seem the adventures I’ve taken with my demons would eventually lead me to wordpress, I’d just come out of a long term relationship where we was planning on getting our own house and starting a proper family (I have a little boy from a previous relationship that the demons had a bit too much fun with) before life decided it wasn’t my time to have such things, it’s safe to say I didn’t take it well at all and I became more of ghost of someone that resembled me then any kind of person, so I decided one day that the demons again needed a way to communicate and I needed a way to understand what it was that was tearing me apart from the inside, why I decided on a public forum to do it is something even I couldn’t truly answer, I think part of me just wanted to feel like I wasn’t alone. 

Hope

I somehow stumbled upon prose poetry, it’s something I never knew really existed before hand but was something that I naturally enjoyed doing and was something that has essentially cleansed my mind these last few months, I’ve always written what is essentially autobiographical fiction and this medium just allowed me to do it, putting my imagination to words and my thoughts to concepts, more then that was finding a community of people that were as encouraging as they are diversely talented, I’ll alway have and always will write for myself, those snapshots are part of my everyday routine now, essentially my diary, but the encouragement and respect from a community of creative people inspires me to become a better writer and to at some point chase my writing dreams. 

That’s all folks 

Hopefully you’ve got to here because this is the point that I say check out all the other guys and gals that have and are gonna contribute it’s such a diverse and talented group of individuals and I’m hoping that the content this blog will provide will give you just a glimpse of what these people can do, Feel free to leave a comment even if it’s just to check out your own blog, ideas for me/us going foward or if it’s Nitesh I greatly appreciate not only your support since I’ve been on wordpress but putting together this ragtag bunch but I couldn’t help trying to be funny at the start of this piece. 


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