Muses

Your muse, your inspiration, do you have a person, place or time that you draw inspiration from?

I have several muses, that have grown silent lately.

My first crush, from fifth grade throughout high school, and even today, is still a constant source of inspiration. Most of my happier, romantic type material comes from her. I could easily write page after page about what she meant and means to me. We are still friends but live many miles away from each other.

My depression is another source of inspiration. The dark, emotional pain filled material…which taints most of my writings, and my views, spews forth from here. I’m glad to be out of the void of depression but at the same time…I miss it. I miss the connectivity to all emotions…the pain, truly wretched darkness… it destroys so much.

Music has been a muse for me as long as I can remember. I love music. I play it, listen to it, and write it. It’s an amazing thing to see a song come to life. Listening to it with a pen in hand sometimes opens up creativity in flashes so strong and complete. It’s not often that I complete a work in a single sitting, when I do, music is always playing. (Usually a single song on repeat.)

Most of what I write gets a mix of all three muses. My trouble, lately, is not that they have grown silent, as I stated earlier, but more that I have grown hard of hearing them. Binge watching television series episodes on Blu-ray has drowned out all other voices. Working 13 days straight with one day off in a repeating cycle leaves me with wanting cheap entertainment instead of diving into creative working with words and emotions. I’m tired and lazy, I suppose. I want to write but I don’t want to write…not right now.

My question for you is, how do I break free from this creative laziness? Any suggestions?

© 2018 Grabbety Covens

Breaks

It’s rare, in my experience, that life ever stays calm, easy, flowing, and a breeze to maneuver. It’s usually quite the opposite. As a matter of fact, I get rather anxious if things do go right…why? ‘Cause I know the other shoe is about to drop…

I just recently suffered a devastating blow. A dear friend, and family member died in his sleep, unexpectedly. He was only two years older than I. He died alone. Just as his mother had. You see, he had taken care of his mother for many years. He had desperately needed a night to himself…so he took one. His mother called and he ignored her call. She died that night. He threw so much guilt and self loathing on himself that I think it contributed to his early death. A once jovial man who loved life, he traveled the US on photography trips every year and created breathtaking landscapes. He became cynical, and critical; he could no longer take those photography trips…his body turned on him. He became dependent on dialysis…his political views were passionate and one sided. A man who once loved so many, and was loved by many more, reduced his circle…until the only family he contacted anymore was a cousin across the country, and myself.

This is why I have taken a break from WordPress. My heart has been broken and is still. Tears well up in my eyes as I type these words. I wish I had taken the time to visit more, to call, to write to and about our family. So many of the story holders are already gone. And that is why I am returning to writing. For a while, I was so disconnected from myself I could not find the words to express what I felt. I also lost my purpose. I was writing just to write, though there is nothing wrong with that. But too much of it, for me, became more of an obligation than the passionate expression it once had been…the passion is what I loved about writing in the first place. This break helped me rediscover…me.

This week our theme is Breaks – why they’re important. I believe in following through with obligations and promises made. I dropped the ball this past month…well, let’s be honest…this whole fucking year so far. I apologize for that. I think my new promise and obligation should only be to publish passionate pieces. That may mean not publishing everyday. I think you’re worth it. I should only share shit that’s living and breathing. Shit that’s near and dear to my heart. Without this break, I would have continued on lifeless publishing. That’s not fair to you.

Taking a break isn’t quitting. After all, every football game has four quarters and a halftime. The players need breaks to recoup, reenergize, and refresh to be able to “leave it all out on the field.” There is nothing wrong with taking a knee and resting a minute. That minute may be a day, a week, a month. You only quit if you don’t come back. I think you’ll find you’ll want to come back just as desperately as you wanted to stop writing. I did..or I should say do. I was so close to never coming back…then I heard a song called, “Gone” by Charles Berthoud. It’s an instrumental bass piece…breath taking. (So is Luna!) It brought me back…the words over flowed…along with the long lost passion. I had no choice but to write. It’s good to be back!! It really is.

© 2018 Grabbety Covens

Photo Credits:

• Benjamin Schaefer
• Natasha Breen
• Mark Herreid
• Kurt Arrigo

Apologies

It is with regret that I cannot complete this week’s post on fiction writing. Several personal issues have come to play in recent days and I must step away from The Perfectly Imperfect Bunch for a short time. I will return shortly and am looking forward to writing more posts about the art of writing. Thanks for understanding…

Grabbety Covens

Poetry: Love 101

So, I wanted to write some poetry about love but, I’m in a place where I’m just not feeling it. I can write about the memory of love, the feeling of it when it’s brand new and exciting; I can write about the pain when it’s over but where I’ve been lately is surviving without it. I believe in love. I believe that you can have a love of your life. I believe you can have other loves that can be meaningful but never quite meet up to that love of your life love. I believe in second chances to find that love. I believe in being faithful with the one you’re with. The song lyrics, “If you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with,” speak more to me than just catchy words to a beat.

So, here is an attempt at a poem about making the best with what you have. I hope you enjoy it:

Heaven in your eyes…

forever’s a lovely disguise,

right now is all we have,

more than a one night stand,

but less than a lifetime,

hope for more would be a crime,

to who we both are,

and all our scars,

our dark pasts,

those memories last,

longer than our story may,

but at least we have one to say,

we may not have a happy ever after,

but maybe it can end with laughter,

instead of tears this time,

falling from hazel eyes,

I love but not you,

it’s real but not true,

it’s the best I can give,

in this life that I live,

I know you feel the same

and honestly there’s no shame,

to hold on for now,

and make it work somehow,

if only for a little while,

during our exile

from happier days…

at least there’s a heaven’s in your gaze…

I didn’t have a preconceived idea of where this was going. The words went where they went. Rhyming takes time and thought. You may find some helpful websites or apps that assist you with finding words that rhyme. It’s a process. Sometimes it takes you in different directions than you’re willing to go and you have to rewrite. Just keep writing. Keep trudging through it. Happy writing!

© 2018 Grabbety Covens

Photo Credits:

• Akanjee Photography
• Jude Stewart
• Keng Po Leung

Upon The Page

Never knowing what to say,

plagues me in so many ways,

especially upon the page,

occasionally leading to outrage,

more often than not, honestly,

a cursed voodoo prophecy?

or a frustrated writer wannabe?

a little of both, possibly…

ok, mostly just the latter,

and too much on my platter,

dreams of success shatter,

does that really even matter?

when all is ‘said’ and done…

but I haven’t ‘said’ one

word of relevance since I begun,

so the curse, or frustration, won,

does that mean I lose?

or haven’t paid my dues,

who gets to choose?

how much is enough to defuse,

this wretched mind being confused,

nothing is ever enough,

no path is too rough,

or choice too tough,

to end the curse or give life up,

so, the battle rages on,

from sunset to dawn,

until the curse is gone,

and words are spawned,

upon the page…

© 2018 Grabbety Covens

A little poetry about writing for a change of pace for The Perfectly Imperfect Bunch…

Idol Worship

I have always had a predisposition towards anti-hero’s or antagonists…

a.k.a. the bad guys. I guess they’re as close to idols as one can get in this day and age. My brother has always been a hero worshipper. Superman, Optimus Prime, G.I. Joe, Luke Skywalker; you name a good guy, and he liked them. I always preferred Lex Luther, Megatron, Cobra, and Darth Vader.

Growing up, we saved our money and bought action figures. We always bought the figures of those who stood on the respective sides of our allegiances. We battled each other all the time. His favorite hero was Superman and my idol was, and still is Darth Vader (The Joker is still the runner-up after all these years). Although I should mention that Wolverine is my favorite comic book character of all time, and I still have numerous Wolverine comics.

The bad guys all have their own reasons for doing whatever they do. The normal routine is they fight against the hero, win a little here and there but the hero always, ALWAYS wins in the end. I for one think that sucks because that’s not true to life. Of course, people want to escape reality which is why the good guy always has to win the fights that matter.

I guess I should think about why I idolize the bad guys. What does that say about me as a person? I think it’s because I relate to the fact that life sucks and good things don’t always happen. Also add the fact that rarely do good things happen to me. In truth though, bad things happen to the hero as well, don’t they?

My favorite tv series character is Jack Bauer from 24. He lives in complete and total hell, yet manages to overcome unbelievable conflict just in time to save the day. Why do I like him? He’s not exactly hero material though. He tortures people to get the information or results he needs. He’s ruthless, but he’s also completely loyal to his country and the best interests of its citizens.

I’m not a psychiatrist so I have no real idea what all this says about me. Hopefully it says I’m interesting and not as boring as I feel. Perhaps I should write a novel focusing on a villain that readers grow to love or at least understand. I will see what I can come up with…

© 2018 Grabbety Covens

Photo Credit:

• Slash Film
• Villains Wiki Fandom
• Movie Pilot
• Pinterest

Writing When You Don’t Feel Like It

I have rarely not felt like writing. Honestly, since I started this blog in the latter half of August this year, there hasn’t been a day I can remember that I didn’t want to write. That being said, there have been plenty of days where I had trouble conveying words to paper (or to screen, as it may.) I have formed my own opinion as to why that may be. I’ll be happy to share that with you.

I think most days I have trouble with writing is due to having too much to say on numerous topics and not sure as how to start any of them. My normal “procedure” to combat this issue is to just start writing words, any words, until the words I’m looking for start to flow; “priming the pump,” one could say. This has worked quite efficiently. It has often produced an overflow of words and resulted in long writings, especially as of late, that I find difficulty in creating a proper ending for. My favorite part of writing is crafting a proper ending. Sometimes I end up having multiple versions of the same writings because a route the writing took didn’t suit well enough with me.

I find it interesting that I face having writer’s block the same way…just writing words, any words until the flow of words produces what I’m looking for. Another thing I’ve noticed is I may not know the words I’m looking for until they appear on page or screen. That may sound odd but it’s true. I often start writing not having a clue what will transpire until it “happens,” although this is usually only true for writing poetry or writing fiction. I write plenty of times with preconceived ideas of what and where I want to say and am often pleased where those writings go. I usually have no problem starting or finishing those but truth be known, those writings occur less often and are rarely poetic pieces. Perhaps it’s because I write consistently and on multiple works everyday. I have often wondered if I should take a break from writing, a few days or a week or two. I’m still undecided on that but I am leaning towards it.

The upcoming holidays may be the perfect time to do so but it could be the opposite as I will have more time to focus on writing. What are your thoughts? To write or not to write? That is the question…

© 2017 Grabbety Covens

Photo Credit:

• Krzysztof Dymkowski
• wzis

Writing: is it Art or Craft?

Answer: Yes.

I’ve thought about this quite a bit and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s both. Post done. Thank you for reading…

Looking back at what I just wrote, I think I should probably flesh it out some… though not fluff! I hate fluff! Let me explain. I used to sketch back when I was younger. It was horrible at first. Then I found the eye. I was pretty good at eyes. I drew hundreds of eyes. I moved on to faces; I drew comic book characters. They were extremely rough at first, but over time, the more I practiced, the better they became until I was quite good. Then I tried sketching hands…and it was there I found my nemesis. Hands are the hardest things for me to try and replicate. I see that as foresight now has my hands have betrayed me. After years of working with my hands, with brute force, they cannot sketch with the talent of my youth. I still doodle with eyes, from time to time. Sketching or drawing is art, but it’s also craft. There are classes for it. How to videos, books, apps.

Writing is the same way. It’s both art and craft. When ever I sketched, I could never create a piece, I could only recreate a piece. My oldest daughter is better at creating sketches than recreating pieces. I envy her. I have both of my daughters’ first paintings framed in my home. My oldest daughter’s is a night scene. I think she did it in primary school…second or third grade. My youngest daughters is a daytime farm scene. Both paintings are drastically different, as both daughters are different. My oldest is an introvert, my youngest an extrovert. My point is, these examples of their art are from when they were young, raw, untrained. Their art now, after many years of training, classes, practice, etc…is much more refined.

It’s the same with writing except we’re all creating pieces instead of recreating pieces. Our creations are actually influences, memories, emotions, thoughts all woven together (crafted) into an elaborate (or simple) work of art. In my past writings, I used more complicated vernacular/prose, nomenclature, higher level vocabulary, because I thought it made my writing more refined, and it does. But I’m not so refined. I spent too many years in construction and blue collar life. It’s ok. It’s who I am. I don’t have a college degree, though I’m not far from completing one. I don’t normally associate with…never mind, I don’t socialize much at all with anyone. I prefer it that way. My point is this. I now write for me, and my audience. My audience being people like me. I have a coarse or salty vocabulary (profanity, it’s my first language, seriously, my first words were, oh shit (my mother said I walked around saying, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit; she said she laughed every time but she couldn’t say she was exactly proud); so I’m extremely fluent) these days.

My writings sometimes reflect this as I’m catering towards those who…fucking cuss. See what I mean? Traversing from proper writing prose to writing like I fucking talk or conversational prose. Speaking of profanity, it’s an art as well. You doubt me? Listen to a kid just learning to cuss. “You dick face, shit fuck!” Yeah, I’ve heard that one. It takes practice to properly craft a string of profanities. It also takes talent to do so and incite laughter instead of rage. In high school I once cussed the biggest guy on the football team. He was as big as a refrigerator. I did it so well, he laughed and said, “Dude, that was awesome. A little guy like you cussing me like that! We gotta be friends.” No shit, that actually happened.

I have so many stories of how profanity has actually helped me in relating to people…I will have to write a post focusing of the art of tactful proficiency in profanity, inciting laughter instead of an ass whipping. Would you read it? Now, in this post, I have lost some readers. My crude language and failure to stay on topic as caused a fair number to stop reading this after I brought up my daughters and sketching. But I crafted it that way to reach the audience I want. Those who appreciate art, sketches, children, coarse language; those who may or may not have completed a degree; those who work with their hands; those who love humor…and cussing. So you see, I did craft this post or my writing to reach the audience I wanted and that is an art in itself and I did so while showing how writing is both art and craft. Not too bad. I’m sure others have much more effective ways to make the same point.

I keep evolving, in some ways better, in some ways not. My writing follows suit, as it is an extension of me. Somedays my writing amazes me, and most other days I can’t stand what I put on the screen, and I’m certain those who read it can’t stand it either. I keep looking for better ways to improve. I read posts about improving your writing, improving your blog, how to write like a pro, writing through writer’s block, etc… You should too. There is nothing wrong with wanting to improve your crafting skills. I want to be the Bob Ross of writing…putting happy little words where they’re supposed to be living, don’t you?

© 2017 Grabbety Covens

Photo Credits:

• Radius Images
• Pinterest
• Vincent Van Gogh
• Tot Tude
• The Coca-Cola Company
• Gable Denims

Obsessions

I don’t know what to say about this week’s post. It’s supposed to be on what obsession makes me a better person. I’m not that good of a person. I’m quite the asshole, truth be known. There are few things I obsess over anyway. My daughters; my family, and friends; my writing; my music; my work ethic; and Star Wars. I therefore, have little to say.

My daughters are entering the adult portion of their lives. One is in college, the other begins next year. They have an idea of what they want to do with their lives, better than I did at their age. They had both planned on military careers buts thanks to some genetics fuckups from me, that’s not going to happen. I was more devastated than they were. They apparently learned from my journey through hell, to look for alternative routes when faced with an immovable road block. They altered their course almost immediately, were as I bathed in self loathing, for my genetic failures. They learned from me, and taught me how to improve my method.

My family and friends. There are some folks who have stood with me when they probably should have shot me. I wanted to, but they wouldn’t have by of it. There are endless stories here, and no real time and this isn’t quite the place. I will say this, my friends that stayed by my side, I’ve known for twenty-five years plus. That’s family.

Now to the obsession this post is more than likely intended for, writing. It is definitely an obsession. I thoroughly enjoy writing words and reading them. I’ve already said previously that writing saved my life. I’ve written about it on numerous occasions. My obsession with it isn’t the act of writing though. It’s perfection. I want my writing to mean something. I don’t care for writing fluff. In fact, I hate unnecessary fluff. There is one professional writer whom I despise because of the amount of fluff he writes. Three pages describing a fucking lamp…really? The lamp had nothing to do with the story…other than taking time and filling space. UGH!! I hate it. I used to try and incorporate more complex words and occasionally I still do but, for the most part, I now tend to keep it simple, concise. Now on the other hand, when writing fiction it is quite important to use more vocabulary as to not repeat yourself or favorite words in a paragraph. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. One of my favorite unnecessary words is ‘that.’

Back to my obsession, perfection. People say you shouldn’t try for perfection in writing. I say, “fuck you, respectfully.” You write the way you want, and I’ll write the way I want. ‘Perfection in writing cannot be achieved.’ I disagree. I’ve read, heard several perfect written pieces. I do believe perfection cannot be sustained. Once you’ve achieved perfection in something, it doesn’t mean you are a perfect writer and everything you type out is perfect. It means that one piece attained perfection from all your effort and craftsmanship for that piece. You still have to work hard on every piece. Do I work hard on every piece? No. Some words just shoot out like a automatic machine gun while others have to pulled out with a tow truck sometimes. Somedays I just don’t feel like putting forth a whole lot of effort…and it shows. There are other days when pieces really speak to me and I strive to make them perfect. I tend to not release those to the public right away. Maybe I will in the future…we’ll see.

Music is definitely an obsession. Not only do I listen to it, I play it. I’m a bass player, and acoustic guitar player. I’ve been in a few bands, I’ve sung lead and backing vocals. I’ve written songs (lyrics)…I can safely say that I’ve written several hundred songs. I am ashamed to say that most of those are lost…thanks to a friend borrowing them and dropping off the face of the earth. I am currently working with an extremely talented guitarist and professional musician on some new material. I love writing lyrics. I rarely post any on my blog because that’s a different beast, lyric writing. I have posted two here; can you guess which ones? I haven’t been playing bass much lately as I’ve had to part with my amp and my acoustics are presently absent. I pluck around on an unplugged Ibanez EDB 600. It’s the same color as my car…purple pearlescent.

Another obsession is my work ethic. I hate fucking up at work! I despise it. It happens, from time to time but ask anyone who has ever worked with me what happens when I do. I study how it happened, what my mistake was, how not to do it ever again. I rarely make the same mistake twice. I work all out as hard as I can go and as perfect as I can all shift. It makes for an extremely sore man when the shift is over. I also tend to make other workers look…lazy. It’s because they are. I have my father to thank for my work ethic. He beat it in to me. Somebody should have beat them. (Sometimes I want too.) This work ethic has also allowed me to move up the ranks pretty quickly, which also causes strife with other employees but I feel like this…fuck you; work harder.

And finally, Star Wars. I love it!! I love the storyline, the characters, the planets, everything. And not just the movies…the animated series, the books, the games, the action figures, etc… Does it make me a better person? You’re god damn right it does!!

I know this post isn’t exactly what the boss intended but, it is what my obsessions are and they make me a better person…especially the last one…I meant the first one…or the third one…or the fourth one…you tell me.

© 2017 Grabbety Covens

Photo Credits:

• Jesper Klauson
• Igor Milic
• 500px
• Radius Images
• Keith Robinson

Writing Tools

We all have them. Most are similar. A dictionary, a thesaurus, a pen, paper, etc… I despise using a pen. It’s too permanent, and I make too many mistakes, or the story changes directions. I prefer using a pencil. Well, true be told, these days, I use my iPad or iPhone or both for most my writings. Plus, the internet with its online dictionary, thesaurus; most of my music, some movies, my iBooks, or e-books are on these devices. There are helpful websites for writing prompts, and a few favorite sites for images that inspire. So, what are the tools vital to writing?

Let’s start with one the most important tool of all. The writer. No other tool is more important than this one. Every experience, memory, emotion, struggle, failure, success, taste, smell, touch, sight, sound, and thought you have ever had is material to work with. Every story, poem, or article you’ve ever read draws from these experiences in some way.

The best material for writing, in my opinion, are struggles, failures, mistakes, adversities, abuses, terrors, horrors, the more negative aspects of life. Why are these the best? Because everyone on this planet can relate to a negative experience…no one has only positive experiences. The world isn’t a very kind place, it’s the opposite. Of course, it’s nice to escape this world for a time when diving in to stories, either reading them or writing them, but eventually something negative needs to occur to make it relatable to the readers. If people can relate to your material, they can relate to you. They connect, and the connection is important. It means even in all the beautiful fiction you’re creating, there is underlying truth of agony, pain, etc… that supports it all, making it real or at least realistic.

The second most important tool is willingness to share those negative experiences. You may not have to express it as in an autobiography. The feelings, emotions, terrors, and horrors are universal. You can tie them into characters you create. You can tell the story as it happened, or as it should have happened. Writing these experiences out, or creating a fiction based on it helps heal you. If you decide to share that with others, it could be used to heal others or lead them on a path to find healing.

The third most important tool is writing. Whether by pen/pencil, and paper, or typing keys and making the words appear on the screen. There are so many helpful sites available online. Dictionaries, thesauruses, rhyming word lists, musical sites, you name it, it’s on the World Wide Web. Write, write, write. Keep writing. Read it, out loud. Rewrite it. Improve it. Lay it down. Write something else. Go back to it. Read it out loud. Improve it. Rewrite it. Go and do the same with everything you do. Your writing will improve. Read, read, read. Read what you want to write. It will do wonders for your writing.

None of this is new, not really. I’ll be honest with you. I feel my writing, as of lately, is extremely repetitive. I think it has to do with publishing (on my blog) so much, and reading other material too little. Reading expands our vocabulary use, which will help with describing settings, events, etc… I think too often, without reading other material, our writing will get repetitive. I just dove back into reading novels two days ago. I think my writing suffered greatly because of not reading the amount of different material as I used to do. I also think reading is the fourth leg of the writing stool. It keeps everything balanced and leveled. Its just as important as the others, if not more.

I wish I could write like Bob Ross paints…his talent with a paintbrush is unbelievable…who knows how many hundreds or thousands of paintings it took for him to get there. The greatest writers in the publishing world today, who knows how many thousands of words they’ve written to get to their level of word smithing? I have so far to go…but I know how to get there. I have the tools…

© 2017 Grabbety Covens

Photo Credit:

• petagadget.com
• pixabay.com
• Jesse Rice
• istock.com
• Kanwar Tech
• Business Insider
• Bob Ross – Fine Art America